Two years after cancer treatment " ended" and here I sit on my forty- eighth birthday, waiting to have a bone scan. Just when one might think that cancer had long been put behind me, it seems to peek out at me from behind the bushes, teasing me with fearful symptoms and endless testing. On one hand, doctors say there is no evidence of disease, N.E.D., yet on the other hand they say that when a new symptom presents itself (like this nagging back pain) I should bring it to the attention of my doctors and pursue diagnostics. Nothing is dismissed. The average person might be able to let symptoms go by without really giving them a second thought. I, on the other hand, immediately fear that cancer has returned.